Joke of the day

[Jess RN]

General Store Sales Pitch

A manager at a General Store is teaching a young, newly hired boy how to sell people more than they really want. Suddenly, a man walks in asking for a bag of lawn seed. The manager walks up to him and says, "Of course. But you will be wanting a lawn mower, too, right?"

The man asks, "Why would I be?"

The manager replies, "Because when the lawn seed grows, you'll need something to cut the grass with."

Surprisingly, the man buys a lawn mower. Then another man walks in and asks for a box of Tampax. The manager nudges the newly hired boy. The boy walks up to the man and says, "Right away, Sir. But, of course, you will be wanting a lawn mower with that, right?"

The shocked man asks, "Why?!"

The young man then replies, "Well, your weekend's screwed, so you might as well mow the lawn

[Sniper Kitten]

not too shabby hun

[SoccerHooligan]

Heh nice job, elicited a giggle if you would believe :)

[DutchMike]

Joke of the day??? You should see me after just waking up, that'll give ya a case of brown pants squirts! :D

[zindar]

General Store Sales Pitch

A manager at a General Store is teaching a young, newly hired boy how to sell people more than they really want. Suddenly, a man walks in asking for a bag of lawn seed. The manager walks up to him and says, "Of course. But you will be wanting a lawn mower, too, right?"

The man asks, "Why would I be?"

The manager replies, "Because when the lawn seed grows, you'll need something to cut the grass with."

Surprisingly, the man buys a lawn mower. Then another man walks in and asks for a box of Tampax. The manager nudges the newly hired boy. The boy walks up to the man and says, "Right away, Sir. But, of course, you will be wanting a lawn mower with that, right?"

The shocked man asks, "Why?!"

The young man then replies, "Well, your weekend's screwed, so you might as well mow the lawn

I dont get it?? :confused:

[SoccerHooligan]

Heh poor zin....




Jess, care to elaborate? hahaha

[Jess RN]

Zetto, ask Sniper, that's his favorite time of the month. LOL.

[zindar]

Heh poor zin....




Jess, care to elaborate? hahaha

pls don't call me zin call me zetto or Lester (my real name) :D

[SoccerHooligan]

pls don't call me zin call me zetto or Lester (my real name) :D
What about Zester?
:D

[zindar]

What about Zester?
:D

that is worst!! :) ok FOOT!!

[SoccerHooligan]

that is worst!! :) ok FOOT!!

Everyone calls me Fut, or Foot, or #%^@.... I have many terms of endearment, do your worst :P...... Zester

[zindar]

Everyone calls me Fut, or Foot, or #%^@.... I have many terms of endearment, do your worst :P...... Zester

damn stop calling me that :mad:

[SoccerHooligan]

damn stop calling me that :mad:

:( Fine...Lestar?

[zindar]

:( Fine...Lestar?

OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:mad:

[SoccerHooligan]

OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:mad:

<3 Lester <('-'<)

[Sniper Kitten]

LOL

This is too funny....

[Jess RN]

Way to hijack my post guys, i should have my moderator of a husband do something useful with his title and delete those posts. LOL. J/K

[zindar]

Way to hijack my post guys, i should have my moderator of a husband do something useful with his title and delete those posts. LOL. J/K

ohh yeah how many times did you HIJACK my post with Dutchmike on XUG!! :p (^_^) :p this is called revenge hahahahahaha

[Sniper Kitten]

Way to hijack my post guys, i should have my moderator of a husband do something useful with his title and delete those posts. LOL. J/K
Actually... I could just change the title to "Fut & Zet Chit Chat"

[Jess RN]

ohh yeah how many times did you HIJACK my post with Dutchmike on XUG!! :p (^_^) :p this is called revenge hahahahahaha

Yeah well it was actually cool when me and Dutch did it. LOL.

[Jess RN]

Actually... I could just change the title to "Fut & Zet Chit Chat"

Gee thanks!!!

[Sniper Kitten]

Gee thanks!!!
your very welcome babe!

XD

[zindar]

damn guys my 360 just broke right when I was about to play spiderman 3 F**K F**K F**K F**K you SPIDERMAN kiss my A**

[Jess RN]

The perfect husband

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker- function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes."
WOMAN: "I'm at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."
WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2007 models. I saw one I really liked."
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "$65,000."
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing. The house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000."
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you!"
MAN: "Bye, I love you, too."

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment.

Then he smiles and asks: "Anyone know whose phone this is?"

[DutchMike]

Bill (walking up to his pool, with Bob in it) : "How ya doing Bob?"
Bob : "Just a little anal leakage Bill"
Bill : "Mind getting out of the pool Bob?"

LOL, it's a sad world when I laugh at my own jokes! :p

[SoccerHooligan]

Bill (walking up to his pool, with Bob in it) : "How ya doing Bob?"
Bob : "Just a little anal leakage Bill"
Bill : "Mind getting out of the pool Bob?"

LOL, it's a sad world when I laugh at my own jokes! :p

Some Robin Williams I see?

[Jess RN]

A Mall Order

An Amish woman and her son are walking through a mall for the first time, totally stunned by everything they see.

They are especially fascinated by two silver walls which slide together and then apart.

They both walk up closer to the sliding silver walls. They see a fat, little old man waddle inside and watch as the doors close behind her.

The mother and son can't believe their eyes when minutes later, the silver doors open and a tall, well-built stud strides out.

The mother then turns to the son and says, "Son, go and get your father."

[Jess RN]

Where is God?

In a certain suburban neighborhood, there were two brothers, 8 and 10 years old, who were exceedingly mischievious. Whenever something went wrong in the neighborhood, it turned out they had a hand in it. Their parents were at their wits’ end trying to control them. Hearing about a minister nearby who worked with delinquent boys, the mother suggested to the father that they ask the minister to talk with the boys. The father agreed.

The mother went to the minister and made her request. He agreed, but said he wanted to see the younger boy first and alone. So the mother sent him to the minister. The minister sat the boy down on the other side of his huge, impressive desk. For about five minutes they just sat and stared at each other.

Finally, the minister pointed his forefinger at the boy and asked, "Where is God?"

The boy looked under the desk, in the corners of the room, all around, but said nothing.

Again, louder, the minister pointed at the boy and asked, "Where is God?"

Again the boy looked all around but said nothing.

A third time, in a louder, firmer voice, the minister leaned far across the desk and put his forefinger almost to the boy’s nose, and asked "Where is God?"

The boy panicked and ran all the way home. Finding his older brother, he dragged him upstairs to their room and into the closet, where they usually plotted their mischief. He finally said, "We are in B-I-I-I-I-G trouble now!"

The older boy asked, "What do you mean, B-I-I-I-I-G trouble?"

His brother replied, "God is missing and they think we did it."

[Jess RN]

On a rural road a state trooper pulled this farmer over and said:
"Sir, do you realize your wife fell out of the car several miles back?"
To which the farmer replied: "Thank God, I thought I had gone deaf!"

[SF007]

Maybe you have read this one before I got it from funny.com

Lil' Johnny goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way. I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. Mommy is the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you The People. The nanny, well, consider her The Working Class. Your baby brother, we'll call him The Future. Now go think about this and see if it makes sense."

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying and runs to his room only to find that his diapers are very soiled. So the little boy goes to his parents' room. Mom is sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he looks through the peephole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand what politics is now."

"Good son, tell me in your own words then what politics are."

The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep ****."
:D

[SoccerHooligan]

haha nice

[Jess RN]

This is my post, how come none of my jokes ever get commented on. LOL.

[SoccerHooligan]

This is my post, how come none of my jokes ever get commented on. LOL.

Sounds like someones jealous :P

Joke envy? ;)

[SF007]

Hey I don't want to take your place Jess, no more jokes from now on I promise

:cool:

[Sniper Kitten]

What building has the most stories?

Highlight to Find Out
The Library


btw... I do this in a lot of my posts... LOL
But no one has figured it out yet... heh

[SeSsIoNz 07]

* no offence to anyone whos jewish... but I thought it would be a shame not to post this! *

Why Do Jewish People Have Big Noses?


.....


Cause Air Is Free!!!!

[Jess RN]

Hey I don't want to take your place Jess, no more jokes from now on I promise

:cool:

Oh it's ok, i was just joking around. Actually i'm suprised that no one from around here was like "It's because your jokes aren't funny Jess". LOL. There's so much love around here.

[Jess RN]

An atheist was taking a walk through the woods, admiring all that evolution had created.

"What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!", he said to himself. As he was walking along the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. When he turned to see what the casue was, he saw a 7-foot grizzly charging right towards him. He ran as fast as he could. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing, He ran even faster, crying in fear. He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer. His heart was pounding and he tried to run even faster. He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up, but saw the bear right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him.

At that moment, the Atheist cried out "Oh my God!...." Time stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent. Even the river stopped moving.

As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky, "You deny my existence for all of these years; teach others I don''t exist; and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"

The atheist looked directly into the light "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask You to treat me as Christian now, but perhaps could you make the bear a Christian?" "Very well," said the voice.

The light went out. The river ran again. And the sounds of the forest resumed.

And then the bear dropped his right paw ..... brought both paws together...bowed his head and spoke: "Lord, for this food which I am about to receive, I am truly thankful."